Believer

Some people go through alot of bullshit, they learn dont's and do's in life.

I'm one of them, because I'm always trying to make my self believe that there is a miracle, something that can heal me inside. I can say thats why I'm not sure about my feelings, I can't decide if I can ever love the person, trust them, or give them another chance, and when it coems to attention is just the same feeling it feels too fake. When someone says nice things to me it takes me back to the past, where I had and felt fake people around me all the time. I was so different back then. I can't let anyone come close to me, because I'm too afraid of getting hurt again or showing them how destroyed I'am inside.
I have to hide it all the time, and I hate telling anyone how I feel because I love to show my strong side, as they see your weakness they will pull you down.
I have so many people around me, but I don't let anyone close to me, and thats what makes me feel lonely when I'm down. I'm scared to even tell anyone how sad I feel. I can cry all night long and still not tell the person what the actuall reason is.
There are times that even a tiny thing can make me so sad, because it's a big problem in my eyes. I just want to believe that I can change this side of me one day.